I’m such a chicken. Like a really big chicken when it comes to certain things like heights and bugs. And then there are the general fears that are the more worrisome fears. I know the Lord tells us “do not fear” but whenever someone figures that out, how to completely rid fear out of your life, then let me know. Cuz so far, I haven’t been able to do it. This week’s Listable Life prompt:
5. I fear Heights- I fear all heights. Because all heights equals certain death for me. This is at the Lighthouse in Palo Duro Canyon in West Texas. The Dr. climbed that peak on the left to the very top, where he stood and looked over the Canyon. He tried to get me to do it with him. Umm…no.
4. I fear creepy crawly bugs. Ewwwww. I hate bugs. The only bugs I can handle are roly polys, butterflies, ladybugs, praying mantis, and caterpillars. Any other bug really freaks me out. Have you ever had a junebug land in your hair and get tangled up? AHHHHHHHHH, the memories make me shudder. *shudder* *Shudder* *shudder* This guy in the photo was in my kitchen a couple days ago. I was cleaning the kitchen after dinner and he goes scurrying across the floor by my feet and I scream to my husband (at the top of my lungs): “GIANT MUTANT SPIDER FROM HELL IN THE KITCHEN!! GIANT MUTANT SPIDER FROM HELL IN THE KITCHEN!!!!!!!!!!!!” Dr. Hubs, having zero fear of any bug, rescued me. My hero! And this guy was so big that he fell under the I’m-so-big-I-deserve-to-not-be-squished clause, so he got tossed back into the front yard, where hopefully he will eat other creepy crawlers. Besides, I couldn’t handle the squish/crunch noise he would have made had he been stepped on…..*shudder* Lucky for him, he is now thriving in the front yard, probably making more babies to infiltrate my home…*shudder*
3. I fear my next pregnancy/delivery. Dr. Hubs wants 2 kids. I want 4. We compromised on 3. (maybe I will still be able to talk him into 4 when the time comes.) I loved being pregnant and knowing that I was carrying life within me. But my first and only pregnancy so far was difficult. I had blood sugar issues, blood pressure problems, pre-eclampsia, extreme back and hip pain, and a c-section that I didn’t want to have. In the past year, I have made a dramatic lifestyle change, that includes 3-5 days of exercise a week (most weeks!), eating healthier and cleaner, and dropping fast food off the menu completely. I am 20 lbs lighter than I was when I got pregnant with E, and I plan to continue this lifestyle for the rest of forever! I am praying it is enough to allow me to have a pregnancy I can enjoy, and my ultimate goal, to have a natural delivery. I want that so badly that I actually fear my next pregnancy/delivery. What if I relive my last pregnancy, or worse yet, I have another c-section? When I think about this, I remind myself of Isaiah 43:1-2: Do not fear, for I will be with you.
2. I fear losing a loved one. That has to top anyone’s list, right? I myself do not fear death. But I hear so many stories of friends losing loved ones to cancer or unexpected tragedy. I hear these stories, witness these stories, and they break my heart. I can’t imagine my life without my husband, or my parents, or my little brother, or my grandma., or God forbid, my child. I know there is no escape from death, but the thought of losing any of them makes me physically sick to my stomach. Our pastor just preached on Sunday about how a broken heart can heal, and that grief is not logical, but God can heal the heart. Death is a part of life, and no one has a guarantee of tomorrow. But Jesus defeated death. We are not meant to just endure grief. Jesus gives us Hope and can deliver you from that grief. I hear that. I understand it, but for some reason, if I think about losing a special loved one, I wonder if He could deliver me. Could He deliver me from that emotional suffering? I know He has the power to, but would I allow Him? I fear that I would just live in a world of heartache for the rest of my life.
You know what? God did it again. As I was typing this out, this song came on pandora and He reassured me that He can deliver me from that heartache. I hope I don’t have to experience that heart ache though, for a very, very, very long time.
1. I fear my child(ren) not knowing Christ. Although the fear of losing a loved one ranks up there extremely high, even higher is the fear of my child not knowing Christ, and losing out on eternal life. Parenting is more rewarding than I could ever describe, but it is hard, and it is scary. You want to do everything right for them, teach them, and grow them into a person who can handle life as its thrown at them, and be independent, and be strong, and smart, and compassionate….and the list could continue on forever. I want so many things for my child and future children, but I ultimately want them to know Christ. And while that lays on their hearts, it also lays on us as parents, because we plant that seed in their little hearts. I pray daily that God will lead us as parents to teach our children, and guide us in raising them to know Him.
What are 5 of your biggest fears? Share in the comments!