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{Exploring Identity} Maid, Mother, or Moneymaker?

mommy warsDay 12 Maid, Mother or Moneymaker?

What do you do?

It’s an innocent question.  When we are getting to know somebody, we often ask it.  But are we ashamed by our answer?  We shouldn’t be!  But sometimes our answers  give us guilt.

I’m a registered nurse and nursing school was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life.  But currently, I’m a stay at home mom.  Sure, I plan to work again in the future, probably only part time or per diem while my kids are young, and I will work more when all my kids are in school.   Thankfully, God put me on the correct career path to be able to do this.  But sometimes, I feel bad that I am a stay at home mom with a 4 year degree that I’m not using.  Sure I plan to use it.  But I’m not using it right now.  But in my eyes, that doesn’t make me not a nurse.  Just as Mommies who work may feel guilty for not staying home, sometimes mommies who stay at home can feel bad too.  I’ve been both the working mom and the stay at home mom.  I know what both feel like. And I don’t feel like there should be this big “mommy war” with SAHM vs Working Mom, because we are both doing what we feel is best for us and our family.

There is nothing wrong with any of these, but do we judge others and ourselves by how far we’ve moved up the career ladder?

When people ask me what I do, I say “I’m a nurse.  But I am currently staying home with my little boy!”

I had a young college girl ask me a couple months ago, “so what do you do as a stay at home mom?  Just hang out all day?”   Oh girl, that is not what us SAHMs do.  There is so much out there on the blogosphere about working moms vs. SAHMs.  And I don’t really feel the need to defend what I do, because both the working moms and the SAHMs are the same in my eyes.  We both take care of our families, clean house, pay bills, take children to activities, participate in activities, make plans, cook etc…  What we do in our career does not define us and we shouldn’t judge each other for what we choose to do, whether its work or stay at home.

I do miss my job.  I love being a nurse and caring for others.  But I am also VERY blessed to be able to stay home with my family.  And I fully believe it was God’s plan for me.  It has allowed me to be a part of different church activities that only happen during the day (like vbs, pre-school outings, bible studies).  It has helped me grow some very close friendships with other mommies and God KNEW I needed that, since I don’t have any family close by.  It has allowed me to blog which has kept me accountable to so many things.  It has allowed me to visit my family every 6-8 weeks for the past 6 years, making 900 miles not seem that bad.  It has allowed me to create a sanctuary type environment for my husband when he gets home from work, and I find a lot of satisfaction in being able to provide that for him.

There is no need for this mommy war.  We are both mothers.  We are both raising children.  We are both doing our best.

Whether you are a working mom or a SAHM, you should find comfort that God has you exactly where He wants you.

Are you a SAHM or a working mom?  Do you ever feel “the guilt?”


This is a blog series: Exploring Identity!  If you missed any of the others posts, here they are!

Day 1- Known

Day 2- What is Identity?

Day 3- You are God’s Masterpiece

Day 4- Are you hiding?

Day 5- God doesn’t make Mistakes

Day 6- Mankind makes a Mess

Day 7- Turning Heads

Day 8- Getting the Idea?

Day 9- What Jesus Knew

Day 10- Beauty

Day 11- Relationships

Reader Interactions


  1. I love this series! I am not a mom yet, but I totally know the guilt you are talking about. I took some time off after getting my degree, and felt guilty that I didn’t immediately have a job. I actually consider my blog a part-time job (because it does pay sometimes), but for a long time I had issues owning up to that title. Now when people ask what I do, I confidently say, “I’m a Mary Kay Consultant and blogger.” People are usually not expecting to hear that, but it prompts a lot of interesting questions.

    And SAHMs do so much! I was a nanny for 5 years, and I know moms do even more than that! Tough job!
    Melissa @ Freeing Imperfections recently posted…What Mary Kay Means to MeMy Profile

    • God has you right where He wants you! Mary Kay is awesome and you can totally move up in that company if you work it. I have a friend that is a Sales Director and working her way up. I know she will be driving a pink car in her future! Mary Kay is a great company with awesome products! What is your degree? Are you currently job searching? Whatever you are doing right now, God has a plan! Just remember that!

  2. I completely agree with you! I’ve been both as well. I am an Occupational Therapy Assistant and I just recently became a stay at home mom. However, as I tell my mom and husband, I feel more busy now than I did while working. I have been able to do more blogging, volunteer work, getting involved in our local mom and tots group and so many other things that I wasn’t able to do while working. Eventually I may go back, but right now I am home and I wouldn’t have it any other way! Thanks for sharing today!

    Blessings, Heather
    Heather recently posted…Spiritual Warfare & BloggingMy Profile

    • Exactly how I feel too! Being a sahm has given me so many opportunities to do things I wouldn’t have been able to do if I was working and God knew I needed that right now.

  3. I’ve never understood the war between working moms and SAHM. Just like you said, they’re all doing the same thing and taking care of their families in different ways. And just like so many other things in life, just because it’s different doesn’t make one way better than the other. It’s simply that: different.
    Kristen recently posted…Chicken in Alla Vodka SauceMy Profile

  4. I’m a SAHM too and have been since my second was born in 2010. I worked for 6 months at Starbucks before she was born, but otherwise I’ve always been a SAHM. Or a WAHM, since I treat my blog like a job and also do freelance writing and editing (when I can) at home. I always knew I wanted to be a SAHM, so I tried to pick a career that would let me do that and work from home. Thus I’m a writer. Like you, though, I sometimes struggle with saying, “I’m just a mom” but I agree completely that there shouldn’t be any mommy wars – each mom is trying to do the best for her family, and what works for one family will probably be different than what works for another family. Thanks for sharing! 🙂
    BonnieWay recently posted…Letters of the Alphabet for Preschoolers: ABCMy Profile

    • It’s such a blessing to be able to stay at home with our kids! There is no such thing as “just a mom” because umm, we moms have 300 million jobs: cook, nurse, maid, counselor, teacher etc….!!!!

  5. I feel you! I’m a physician…but now am SAHM and blogger. I actually tell people that I’m a writer when they ask now, though. Then when they find out later that I’m a doctor, they are all freaked out. It’s funny. People really do have different notions about you based on how you answer that question. I like confounding them a bit! –Lisa
    The Dose of Reality recently posted…Pinterest Nightmare #001: The Nightmares That Started Them AllMy Profile

    • Oh wow!!! I bet that does shock people! But I say if you feel like your place is at home with your children, then good for you for making that choice!!! I find that quite exciting and inspiring!!

  6. Hello! Coming to you from SITS and I was intrigued by the title of your post.

    I’m currently a working mom, but I’ve been a SAHM for several different stretches over my son’s 7 years. I think working part-time would be the ideal situation for me, but that is not a possibility for me right now. I do not have a “career,” I have a “job” as an Admin Assistant so it doesn’t help that I’m feeling unfulfilled career-wise!

    As long as women are not neglecting their children for their careers or are putting their families in financial harm by not working, they have likely made the best choice for themselves and their families and should not be judged…FWIW!
    madge | the vegetarian casserole queen recently posted…10 Fourth of July RecipesMy Profile

    • I agree totally! As long as we are making the choice that is best for our family, then we are doing the right thing! The mommy wars have to stop! It makes me crazy that so many people feel it is their place to judge others and its so not! Thanks for stopping by!


  1. […] going to be an unnecessary war that goes on in the mothering realm.  I like to refer to it as the “mommy war.”   Mommies often compare themselves to others.  Some think they aren’t measuring up.  Some […]

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