Has someone said this to you? Have you said it to someone? Chances are the answer is yes and yes.
This is one of those things people say with good intentions, but in fact, it just makes the wounds cut deeper to the person going through the struggle.
There is so much tragedy in this world. Shootings at schools, movie theaters, army bases…you name it. This world is broken. There is so much crime. So much hate. Everything has to be politically correct and even then, not everyone is satisfied. We live in a world of “me, me, me.” And if I don’t get my way, then someone must pay. It breaks my heart. I can’t bear to watch the news. I do because I want to be educated on what is going on in the world, but to hear about the brokenness in this world just makes my heart ache.
I bet someone said this phrase to the parents of the college students that were shot when answering yes to “are you a christian?” I bet you someone said this phrase to those lost in natural disasters. I bet you someone said this phrase to a loved one who lost their soulmate to cancer. I bet someone said this phrase to someone struggling with depression.
This phrase is used way to often and all it brings is pain to the suffering.
This phrase doesn’t validate the feelings of the person who is struggling. God doesn’t bring the suffering. He brings us through the suffering.
[Tweet “Our feelings are subject to our circumstances. God’s are not.”]
He is our strong tower, our refuge, our strength in time of need…no matter the circumstance. He is there, waiting with open arms to pull us through the darkness of this world. He never leaves us. Saying God won’t give you more than you can handle says to the hurting that if you just can’t pull through this, then you must be failing at your faith. The person saying this certainly doesn’t intend for this to be the message, but when someone is hurting so bad from a loss that they can’t hardly breath, this is how this statement makes them feel.
If God won’t give me more than I can handle, and I can’t handle this, then I must be failing at my faith.
None of us want to make another feel this way. You have to be cautious in your choosing of words when talking to someone that is in a place of such sorrow.
There are many things in life that are completely unbearable because we weren’t designed to face them in the first place. All tragedy is a result of the fall. –Matt Maher
What can you say or do to those that are suffering?
How can you bring peace to others?
I’ve been in a place of darkness that I thought I would never escape. I’m sure you have experienced your own darkness too. How was peace brought to you? How have you brought peace to others?
This is so beautiful and such insight and wisdom to read, Stephanie. I also loved the other post you referred to… I get exactly what you are saying. The greatest source of comfort I have found from others when I am in a dark place, is for them to simply love me while I’m IN it. Simply listen, hug me, and tell me how sorry you are that I am going through whatever hardship it is.
Don’t push me toward healing when I’ not ready, don’t get frustrated with me, and surely don’t tell me anything that would be discouraging- I have been told during some hard times “Why aren’t you healed yet?” Or some loved ones get MAD at me because bad things are happening TO me… acting as if it’s my fault. Oh that hurts. People have such a hard time dealing with other people’s ‘stuff’- they selfishly want it better so they don’t have to stress for us or worry or even expend the energy to help us.
I love your Godly perspective. It comforts me and fills me with the truth- something we ALL need.
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