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{My So Called Life as a Submissive Wife} Q&A with Sara Horn and a Giveaway!

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We have come to the conclusion in our series on submission.  In the past month, we have looked at Sara Horn’s new book My So Called Life as a Submissive Wife.  We have looked at biblical submission from a man’s point of view, and last week, we looked at a hard lesson I learned in biblical submission.

Today, I am honored to have Sara herself on the blog.  Join me for a Q&A session with the lovely Sara Horn!

Stephanie: Welcome Sara! Thank you so much for joining us here today!  I loved loved loved your book and it has really inspired me to look at my role in biblical submission to my husband.  In your book My So Called Life as a Proverbs 31 Wife, a sermon inspired you to do the P31 experiment.  What inspired you to do this Submissive wife experiment?

Sara: I think, for me, it was a natural progression following the first experiment. It was one of those things where I saw so much growth happen in my marriage and my relationship with God after we went through the Proverbs 31 year, that I really wanted to keep going, and this was definitely an area I’d avoided for a long time, because who likes that word, submission? But it’s in the Bible a few times, and I felt like there’s gotta be a reason it is, and so I wanted to pursue that. I know from what I’ve already seen God do in my life that He would definitely teach me some things. Even my husband was a little resistant to the idea at first, but after looking at it a little more closely, he agreed, and I can definitely say it impacted both of us for the better.

Stephanie: It’s awesome how much God blesses us when we follow his commands.  But when it comes to this topic, it’s so tough for so many women because it’s such a misunderstood word.  Can you describe to us the difference between the world’s view of submission and the biblical view of submission?

Sara:  I think the world sees submission as giving up all of your rights, opinions and intellect. But I don’t believe that’s what the Bible calls us to do. Submission calls for respect, for discernment, for an attitude that’s not one of a doormat, but one that puts our husbands before ourselves. But our husbands are called to love us like Christ loves the church – and that’s also a huge responsibility. That also requires great discernment on their part. I think we make a mistake, Christians and non-Christians alike, thinking that submission is only on the part of the wife – but it really is more of a dance with her husband, her life partner, who leads, who she follows, and together, they move with grace and love and unspoken understanding of deep commitment to each other.

Stephanie:  That is an awesome explanation! What actions can a wife take to be more biblically submissive to her husband?

Sara:  Biblical submission doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t look identical for every marriage. Because our marriage doesn’t look exactly like yours. Our experiences and upbringings and backgrounds won’t be the same. Some husbands are already walking in strong relationships with God, and some aren’t. Some wives are still growing and learning in their relationships with God. Some relationships have struggled, some are feeling strong. So I just want to preface this list of suggestions with that, and that the best thing you can first do is examine your own relationship with God, and your marriage, and ask Him to show you what might need to change for the better.

The first thing a wife can do is pray for her husband. Regularly. Pray for his success in his job, in his life. Pray for him as a husband, as a dad. Taking him to your Heavenly Father doesn’t just benefit him, but it benefits you too – prayer changes our hearts.

Second, try asking more questions than barking out commands. You know what I mean, ladies. 🙂 Especially if you’re a parent, it is easy sometimes to find yourself walking down the line of your children, barking out orders, and just including your husband in the mix. Instead of saying “you need to do this”, instead ask. “Could I get your help with this?” “What do you think —-?” “Do you have time for —-?” Bring back a little respect, a little kindness and sensitivity.

Third, let him take the lead on making a big decision for your family. It might be a financial one, or a job move or a church move. He may not want to make the decision (and this doesn’t mean, you just sit back and watch him squirm under the stress.). Show support, show understanding, share your own insight (this is where that women’s intuition comes in), but let him make the final call. And sometimes this means waiting. Waiting longer than we’d like. Give him as much time as you can and if a decision needs to be made on a deadline, encourage him and let him know you’re with him. And go back to the first thing. Pray.

Stephanie:   I have to be honest here.  I struggle with what you refer to in your book as “the list.”  The never-ending to-do list.  Have you discovered a way to put the list aside and put your husband first?

Sara:  Yes, but it’s definitely a team effort. I have learned that there will always be things that have to wait until the next day to do. My husband has learned that I am a much nicer person to be around if I don’t feel buried. He doesn’t mind helping out with dinner or getting our son to finish his chores up while I work on something in my office or maybe just get another chore done like laundry, so we can sit down later and enjoy some time together.

What makes me able to put aside the list is to realize my priorities. There will always be things to do around the house, with jobs and kids and friends and family – but that marriage relationship is part of your foundation after your relationship with Christ. If we don’t grow it, if we don’t spend time with it, it will die. Or it will at least stagnate.

Stephanie: Exactly!! Marriage is work, and such an amazing blessing when we put in the effort, time, love and have Christ at the center! My husband and I recently went to a marriage conference in which the speaker asked “what kind of legacy do you want to leave for your children?”  I want my children to see my husband and I doing our best to walk in our God given roles as husband and wife! Lastly, what is the most surprising result of your submissive wife experiment?

Sara: The most surprising thing for me was to see how much my husband changed in all of this. I wasn’t expecting that. I changed a lot in the P31 experiment, and I expected to change with the submissive wife experiment (though I wasn’t sure how much). I saw my husband change a lot, though, and I realized that a lot of it had to do with the fact that as I was more willing to step back just a little, it gave him room to step forward and it gave him the space to learn how to lead our family. I realized that for a long time, I was in the way, and really, as much as I wanted to grow in my relationship with God and His callings on my life as a wife and as a mom, I was standing in the way of Cliff’s calling by God as a husband and dad. I’m so grateful for how God has worked on both of our hearts and brought us so close together.

Stephanie: Thank you sooo much Sara for opening your heart to us!!

Would you like to win Sara’s book for free?  Here is your chance!  Leave a comment about why you want to read the book and follow the directions on the entry box to earn more entries to win a free copy of My So Called Life as a Submissive Wife!

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Sara is a military wife, mom, speaker and christian author.  She is also the  founder of Wives of Faith.   You can find her at Sarahorn.com where she blogs about spiritual growth, marriage and parenting.

Connect with Sara!!

Twitter: @sarahorn      Facebook: @sarahornwrites      Google+: @sarahorn

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Comments

  1. This was a great interview. My favorite part was about the way her husband changed during the experiment. It has also been my experience that a submission blesses husbands in unexpected ways!

  2. I need so much help in this area. Today’s women are the breadwinners and many men are victims of this Man-session recession. It leaves women in the position of not feeling secure. It’s hard to give up control when u feel the pressure of carrying your family on your back.

    • Yes, it is hard :/ Biblical submission is a very hard area to work on. It takes alot of trust in God, that’s for sure! And sometime’s we want control and trusting is hard!

  3. This is an interesting conversation although it isn’t where my husband and I are in our relationship which will reach 20 years in December. Our relationship is constantly evolving and I’m curious to see how God moves us in the years to come.
    Teresa recently posted…Shrimp QuesadillasMy Profile

  4. I found your blog over at Be Simply Better tonight. This was an excellent interview, I enjoyed it. As long as I have been married, there are always ways that I can improve the way I act and respond in our marriage. It is refreshing to read about submission to remind me of ways I can allow God to continue to work in my life. Those are reasons why I would just love to win this book. Thanks so much!!
    Judith at WholeHearted Home recently posted…On My Mind + WholeHearted Wednesday Linkup #55 + GiveawayMy Profile

  5. I don’t necessarily want her book, though I had to comment!

    ” I saw my husband change a lot, though, and I realized that a lot of it had to do with the fact that as I was more willing to step back just a little, it gave him room to step forward and it gave him the space to learn how to lead our family. I realized that for a long time, I was in the way, and really, as much as I wanted to grow in my relationship with God and His callings on my life as a wife and as a mom, I was standing in the way of Cliff’s calling by God as a husband and dad. I’m so grateful for how God has worked on both of our hearts and brought us so close together.”

    I’ve seen this myself, in my walk as a wife. It’s been humbling, but oh so amazing to see how the Lords worked in myself first and then in my husband. The more I stepped back, like Sara, the more my hubby stepped forward. Seeing his faith also take steps forward, along with his leadership, makes me eager to continuing asking the Lord, where do I need to step back from now, Lord?! Just as He is changing me, He is changing my husband, and quite frankly…I’m more in love with him, and more committed to him now, than when we were married.

    Thank you for this little series!!
    Peggy recently posted…Life Interrupted: Beauty From AshesMy Profile

    • I am experiencing this exact same thing! As I step back and allow my husband to act as the leader that God commands him to be, I see my husband changing, and it is sooo awesome! I can’t even put in words how awesome are marriage is right now! I hope that God reveals to you (and me!) how to continue to help us become biblically submissive! Thanks for following this series!!

      • I think as long as our hearts are willing, God will for sure keep showing! That’s the great thing 😀

        I have a question, and I’m at a loss on how to answer it myself. One of my good friends and I pray for each other, and our marriages, encouraging each other, etc. The difficult part comes, when we discuss ways to handle submission. She’s my opposite, where I’m loud and vocal, she’s quiet and easily talked over. My husband is like her, and her husband is like me! So how we submit will look different. I just don’t know how to encourage her, and pray for her, really.
        Do you have any tips, or maybe blogs, bloggers, etc that I can read and maybe point her too??

        Thank you!!!

        ~ Peggy
        Peggy recently posted…Life Interrupted: Beauty From AshesMy Profile

        • Go to Sarahorn.com and look in her right sidebar. There is a pdf download to her “Love His Way” cards. These include 30 prayers/bible verses and practical things we can do as wives to be more biblically submissive. Perhaps you and your friend could do them and keep each other accountable to doing what it says on the card. They are great. I did them with my husband. I didn’t tell him I was doing it. I just prayed for him and did what the card said. I was being intentional about it (he had no idea) and it made my husband act differently. That’s what biblical submission does! It’s awesome! I would highly recommend checking out the Love His Way pdf 🙂
          Stephanie recently posted…{My So Called Life as a Submissive Wife} Q&A with Sara Horn and a Giveaway!My Profile

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